P is for Peace
If there is anything I’ve learned in the last couple of years, it’s that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Like many of you I’m sure, I’ve struggled the last few days. I’ve felt triggered by all of the same emotions that inevitably lead to a downward spiral of anxiety and depression. My laundry has piled up (okay, that’s normal 🤦🏻♀️) and my house has felt in limbo, because I’ve felt paralyzed by current events. It’s like anytime before when catastrophic weather has unleashed fury on our town, everything stops. It’s like a train wreck that I can’t look away from. I can’t take a break because I may miss something important. Ironically though- I’ve probably already missed out on a lot of important, priceless moments right here in our little family social distancing party.
Yesterday I sat on the porch with my husband as we watched our kids play in the backyard. He pointed out to me how incredibly carefree they were- how happy they were in light of the total uncertainty around them. They have no idea what’s going on and it’s beautiful to watch. He talked about how even if they did know, they would likely still act the same. Why? Because they have us. They trust us to take care of them. In their minds, as long as we’re here it’s going to be okay and they have nothing to worry about. This was so convicting to me because, as a believer don’t I have the same type of father? Do I not believe that my Heavenly Father is a good father and that he will take care of me- even in a pandemic? Do I not believe that with him as my father it’s okay and I have nothing to worry about? Instead I find myself going between my phone and TV, constantly following the next update. But to my surprise, it’s not helping. In fact, the world feels more dark with every new click. Those clicks are followed by an endless stream of “what if’s”, “when’s” and “how’s”.
How long will things be this way? What about people XYZ in my life who are considered vulnerable? What about my dad? What would this virus do to his already weak lungs? What does this mean for my pregnancy? My birth? What about my three year old with asthma? Is that cough from allergies or something scarier? Does my daughter feel warm, or is this just in my head? Surely it’s teething. When will I be able to enter a hospital again to serve my clients I care so deeply for? When will anyone be able to resume work as normal? How is this going to hit us financially? What about my church? Or my missional family? Are these efforts working? Are we doing enough? Am I doing my part? Are we acting fast enough? ...And a thousand more like these.
Suffice it to say, it’s been hard to get a hold of peace lately. With so much uncertainty around me- job uncertainty, financial uncertainty, health uncertainty, etc.- I’ve forgotten to consider the ONE thing in my life that is always certain. The Lord is always certain. In the midst of this darkness, He is so certain. I don’t have to be afraid, because there is no fear in him. I don’t have to worry about what material things are running out, because he always provides. I don’t have to worry about illness, because he is the ultimate healer. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow, because his mercies are new every morning and are specifically for the troubles I’ll face today. So tomorrow morning if I wake up and see a new scary headline- there will be new mercies for it. (See sermon link at the bottom 😊)
My sweet husband, who is so good to notice when I’m feeling “triggered”, sent this sermon to me this morning (link at the bottom, I urge you to use your quarantine wisely and listen to the words he shares). I’ve just had a chance to listen and it’s truly what I’ve needed today. Such sweet, sweet reminders that we could all stand to hear right now. In his sermon, Platt talked about the chaos in our cities, the empty shelves in our stores, the empty toilet paper roll in our bathroom, and even the great Amazon has run dry of supplies- BUT the good news to us is that HIS shelves are never empty. His love and care for us will never be put on back order. His supplies do not run out. His strength does not run out. His hope does not run out. Friends, our God is good. Our God is bigger than a pandemic. Rest in that with me today and know that if he values flowers enough to clothe them in the beauty that he does- how much more does he value you?